And what better way to celebrate it than by displaying my intolerance for subgroups and resentment of certain members of society?
In other words, a rant.
The subgroup? Bicyclists. Yes, I know they don't much seem like a subgroup but have you examined a cyclist lately? Seen the skin tight lycra costume that has additional padding in the crotch area, that is supposed to be for arse comfort but which we all know is designed to make the size of their package more impressive? And the helmets designed to look like the crest of some weird prehistoric dinosauraus bird thing. Better aerodynamically? Yeah, sure, if you are a fucking bird! Don't get me started on the fact that 'professional' cyclists shave their legs for lesser wind resistance. I personally think its because secretly they like the feeling of smooth legs and are worried that it might detract from their straighness.
So, weird tribal plumage? Check.
Unique costume? Check.
Spending absolutely insane amounts of money on equipment, as well as the actual bike? Check.
Sounds like a subgroup to me!
Even then, I am not generally intolerant of subgroups, per se. It's the attitude that makes me loathe them and I see this attitude all the time, because I drive in the city during peak hour traffic. And I drive a bus, which means that I can't get around cyclists, due to the space restrictions. There is almost nothing that enrages me more than having to stick behind a 20 km per hour cyclist, only to get to a red traffic light and have them miraculously decide to become pedestrians and use the crossing.
They swing off one foot and do a sort of little hop, to indicate perambulation, while they are wheeling across. Once they get to the other side, they swing back into the road again and proceed to hold up an entirely new line of traffic, which will include me once I get across the red light. Hey, listen up arsehole! I would have made that red light if you hadn't been holding me back.
Make up your fucking mind! Ride on the cycle paths and obey the road rules, or ride on the road and obey the road rules or use the pedestrian access and obey those rules. Don't mix and match because it makes me want to run you over in my very large bus. And it will be totally justifiable homicide!
I am ranting because I have to go into the city today and be pissed off on my birthday.
This guy says it better than I can.
(With thanks to Boyfriend, who inspired this post yesterday when he told me how much he originally paid for the bike that nows sits rusting and sad, plumbago twining through its spokes, in a corner of his garden. I would not be so enamoured of him if he was still riding it; not even if he wore the massive penis shorts. I hate cyclists. Except on Rottnest, where I am one. Or unicyclists. I kind of love them)
(Oooohhhh….. wonder what BF got me for my birthday? It had better not be anything bicycle related)