It only took a week and an awful lot of money but all is supposedly fixed. I haven’t been writing, though, because I’ve just been insanely busy. Plus, I was trying to sort out relationship stuff and that is always distracting.
I think that I can say that things are good between us now and we are still a very important part of each other’s lives. We sort of broke up, for about two minutes, and a lot of the reasons can be put down to miscommunication. When both of us work insanely long hours it is sometimes difficult to find the mental energy to address issues before they become a problem.
I don’t talk things over with friends or family (mainly because I don’t want to bore them – other people’s relationship issues can get very boring) but he has a very good female friend he can talk to about stuff like that. He always claims to not know how to do relationships, which I think is a copout, but I appreciate the effort he makes to get a different perspective, given that he is genuinely trying to fix things.
Apart from his longish marriage, the biggest length of time he’s been with somebody is with me, and we’re going on six months now. I think.
I am awful at anniversary/birthday/meaningful occasion remembering stuff and I figure that if we make it to a year, I can always go back to our first email exchange to get the exact date and then it will look like I knew it all along. See? The internet is a tool that can be used for good!
Honestly, I really don’t remember dates or even days of the week sometimes. I can’t even remember the exact date Ron died, and you’d think that that was etched permanently into my brain. Of course, part of that was that time difference made it a different day in any case but I think that I can’t bear to remember a lot of it so I simply don’t let myself. Rest assured that I am not going back to any emails to check that one out.
Anyway, boyfriend took details of our argument/breakup routine to talk over with his very cool lady doctor friend. She’s seriously amazing and I am extremely annoyed that she has just moved to the East, because she really can relate to a lot of things that are characteristics of mine. She listened to the scenario, as replayed by him, and concluded “I would have broken up with you, too!”. I love that girl.
He once asked me if I would tell him if I was having breakup sex with him. You know? Breakup sex? When you can’t be with that person any longer, for a myriad of emotional reasons, and yet you are regretting the potential loss of your sex life and, suddenly, its imminent departure just makes it so much hotter, and you fall on each other like relapsing bulimics fall on a tub of icecream, because ‘it’s the VERY LAST TIME!’.
Yeah, like that.
Anyway, I had discussed the whole breakup sex phenomena with him and he obviously wasn’t sure where he stood. Silly guy told me at the time that he wouldn’t do it if he knew it was the last time so I instantly resolved not to tell him if it was.
Which it wasn’t. Or maybe it was. I wasn’t sure either. We were both pretty sad. Then I found I just didn’t want to not have him in my life and we started talking more about how we could make things better for both of us. I just don’t feel I can bear the loss of anyone else important in my life right now. This is a huge abrupt turnaround for me. I have always been the queen of final endings and I don’t go back. Ever.
Maybe I’m changing.
(Does this count as breaking my hard and fast rule about talking about my sex life on the internet? I didn’t go into details.)