Boyfriend came home on the weekend. That is, his plane landed in Perth, he got off it, zoomed past my bus depot at approximately the same time as I drove my bus in, went to the factory, reloaded tools and then departed on a big drive down south to yet another mine to work on yet more equipment.
He did text me to say that he could see my parked car as he drove past it but this was less than pleasurable for me, knowing that I had driven in 30 seconds before and missed seeing him by just that tiny amount of time.
When will he be back? Who knows? Certainly not him or the minesite or his company.
Last week I was sad and I missed him. This week I am simply annoyed. I can cope with things for a finite amount of time, as long as I know exactly how long. Be nebulous with the details and it pisses me off, a lot.
Yes, I am aware that I am not being reasonable. After all, how can he/his company/the minesite know how long a job will take until they are actually doing it?
When my first husband went away to work on the mines, on a two week on/one week off shift, I hardly missed him at all. I had two young babies and was in a very bad place regarding pain and mobility, due to my arthritis. Him being away was just one less person making demands of me. I loved it when he was back but fly in/fly out worked so well for me (less well for him: he eventually gave it up because he missed our daughters so much).
Apparently, I miss boyfriend, though. Well, I did. The longer he’s away, the more I look back at my life as a single person and think that it had a lot of advantages. Like I didn’t do this stupid pining thing.
What makes it worse is that I don’t think he misses me much, if at all. He gets a change of scene, gets extra pay, gets great meals provided, gets to socialize boy style with booze and all of the other masculine accoutrements associated with that lifestyle.
He’s been very good about calling and being nice to me but I am feeling less and less nice on this end. There’s nothing said about him missing me., unlike the reverse. I want him here or I want him not here; not the nebulous world of the in between. Failing that, I want deadlines that are stuck to.
Yes, I am a grumpy bitch. Probably this post is as good an explanation as any as to why I should go back to a single state.