Most of it is good, some of it bad; I always try to portray him positively. There are a lot of issues between the two of us and mostly we talk about preconceived attitudes and expectations and how they can impact on current relationships. We both try hard.
Except, possibly, maybe, things may not work out for us.
He does some amazingly altruistic work and I don’t. But I take second fiddle to whatever he is asked (not required) to do;they often use them for searches. He is good at it. He will blow pretty much everything else away to try and niche in for the opportunity. He has made so many friends from these sort of voluntary activities; its not an area that I feel comfortable in.
He is a really good man. So worth it. But the fact of the matter is: I am seen as an optional extra in his life. I don’t want to be the afterthought.
Last night, hewasn’t at my place. He had a work meeting and I asked him to call me later. About 2.30 am I woke up to find a one line SMS, to the tune of him still being there. Good for them. Not good for me, as I was left wondering all night and a lot of this morning where exactly he was and what he was doing.
Not good for him, either, as he hasn’t bothered to let me know directly that he is safe and that things are okay.
Overreacting much? Yeah, maybe. But put yourself in my shoes. I don’t trust statistics any more. If I don’t hear from somebody, after ill health, I assume that they are dead,and that they can’t follow up.
Don’t anybody tell me to get a grip!
The people I love are hard to comeby. They listen and they know and they empathise with my thoughts. The people that I love die and I never, never will quite get over it. I know the medical terms, I know the procedures, I know how it works.
My brain just surges into panic mode.