My day off today and I didn’t really sleep in. I didn’t sleep well, although exhausted, because I was expecting a call that never came.
I have to go get my hair cut, which makes me feel sadder. I hate having my hair cut. But my daughter insists and we all know that I am scared of my daughter because she is exhusband in a female form, which is twice as scary. Plus which, she is a hairdresser and I have issues with those already. Daughter + hairdresser = scary to the power of infinity. I love my long, dark hair. She says no and I have to go blonde again.
And I felt sad too because I am supposed to have a loving supportive boyfriend in my life, who really isn’t. He doesn’t call when he says he will and I get the definite impression that I am a convenience in his life;an afterthought. I expect common courtesy from my intimate others, like calling and turning up on time and being there when they said they would. I know this is unrealistic; after all, none of them have ever done this, apart from exhusband, which is probably why I married him.
Some of these days I get up and hope that a frozen block of airplane toilet ice crashes down on me, just so I don’t have to do the whole keeping on thing. Personal selfopting out is not going to happen but I wish that the universe would recognise that I have had enough of it all, and just suddenly impact me out. I’ve had a great life, really, and I would prefer to keep that recognition of it before all the negative stuff drags me down too much.
I am tired and lonely and I probably need more cats and less people in my life.