In my first marriage, to the father of my children, there was a lot of unhappiness. We fought right from the start, mainly due to his insistence that life shouldn’t change at all now he was married and for a very long time he regarded me and his daughters as a financial and emotional millstone around his neck. He wasn’t shy about letting me know it, either.
I wanted my marriage to survive and we tried counselling a few times but it never lasted more than one or twe sessions because he would refuse to go back, saying that he wasn’t going to change and I would just have to deal with it. We never really established an open or honest line of communication between us and I regret that so much.
It’s why, in this marriage I am always alert for the slightest hint of trouble and I want to pre-emptively head it off by always communicating. I think we do a good job on the whole but I don’t want to get stale. So I suggested that we should take the time each week to think of some small act that we want the other person to do for us for a week and at the end of the week, examine it and see whether it has revealed anything new to us about the other, whether it has brought us closer together, or even just given us a new talking point.
Husband agreed and for this week I want him to be more spontaneously affectionate. He used to be and I miss it. I was interested to see what he would come up with for me and he wants me to tell him a bad joke each day. At first I couldn’t see how this would contribute to our relationship but I am going to reserve judgment until the end of the week.
I am writing them down here because I wanted to have a documented record of what we were doing and how we felt it worked for us. Not interesting for anybody but me but I love seeing how somebody else’s mind works and that, I think, is the main reason for wanting to do this.