I expect i’ll be posting a lot. It is how I’ve always dealt with crisises. I didn’t cry last night but this morning, facing up to the reality that my father only has a limited time left, I’ve been quietly sobbing.
I had my interview first thing. I think that I am a very good fit for the job and I felt it went extremely well. I always enjoy panel interviews and because I am so used to public speaking I never feel nervous or put on the spot. I wouldn’t be surprised if I am offered the job but there are some logistics involved, which might be a barrier. In a way, I hope that they don’t choose me: it will amp up my working week to about 50 hours a week and I can see myself being stretched thin and not having so much time to spend with my dad.
That is, if he even wants me there. He was very closed off before this operation and asked me not to come down to see him because he couldn’t deal with other people’s emotions. My dad has always been like that and it will be very hard on my stepmama if he carries on that way.
He is so terribly frail and diminshed and my father was always the most vital, vibrant person you could imagine. I adored him as a young girl and, right up until the time he re-met my stepmama, we were incredibly close. When she came along, that focus was transferred to her (he never was like that with my mother) and it was hard for me to deal with. But probably for the best as that focus should be on your life partner, not your child, and I am glad he had 16 years of happiness with her.
We are not so symbiotic now but he has mostly always been there for me and we have matured into a loving, close relationship. He shaped my life, made me the person I am today and it is so hard to think of him not being around.