It’s normal in marriage to feel righteously pissed off when your partner snores like a struggling motorbike, right? Especially if you are a very light sleeper and have to work a ten hour day in the morning, where you need to be alert? And he didn’t used to be this loud, or I didn’t used to be this sensitive to dying cow noises, but somehow we have grown together and we try to adapt*.

*Adapt in this case means that I firstly nudge him in the ribs to turn over; then comes the kick in the shins, then comes the “wake up and stop snoring, you bastard!’. (White noise and earplugs have already been used, to no avail).

But after the third night of less than two hours of uninterrupted sleep, I feel totally justified in asking him – from my position on the couch as he got up for a drink of water – whether he would stop snoring so I could come back to bed. And I am sure, from his perspective as the snorer who doesn’t wake himself and who likes his wife in bed next to him, he thinks I am being unreasonable with this request. I just know that lack of sleep, over a few days, does send me into a maniac state and the less sleep I have, the more hyper I get and the less likely I am to be able to sleep. I once was awake for four days and it sent me into a psychotic state.

Right now I am tired, so tired, and I am not thinking coherently. HeΒ  wouldn’t acknowledge his snoring as a problem that affected me so I feel perfectly justified in giving the bedroom door the finger as I walk past it. I am childish, I freely admit, but it makes me feel better.

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About quirkycharm

I like to think that I have a certain quirky charm but I am probably being optimistic. Acquired taste, perhaps, which many don't acquire. This is about my fifth blog out there. My hosting companies kept going out of business or my IT exhusband kept hacking into them and I would move again. I don't do twitter, I barely do facebook, I don't try and 'monetize' my blog. I love my husband, my grown children and my job and this particular incarnation of oversharing my life comes at a time when I am the most content that I have ever been. I write always, sporadically during the good stuff and exhaustingly during the bad.
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6 Responses to

  1. Snowy says:

    If he complains about nodding off during the day get him tested for sleep apnea. I had it, and firmly believe I would be dead by now if I wasn’t using my sleep machine. Now my wife and I both sleep much better.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_apnea

  2. quirkycharm says:

    I think he does have sleep apnea as he used a CPAP in the past but apparently it made him claustrophobic. He doesn’t seem to get tired during the day, though, unlike me. My new approach is waking him up and telling him that he is NOT to go back to sleep until I have. I generally can sleep through the snoring if something else doesn’t wake me up but I can’t seem to get back to sleep if he is snoring.
    Oh well, it all seems no big deal in the daytime but, my God, I want to stab him in the middle of the night. Is that what you meant about being dead if you didn’t use your machine? That your wife would end up killing you?

    Because I can SO relate!

  3. Cess says:

    He quite likely still has a degree of sleep apnea; if so, he really should persevere with the CPAP, as untreated sleep apnea can put him at a far higher risk of heart attack and stroke. And he’s already compromised in that regard. Even if his sleep apnea has resolved and he is just snoring, there are things that can be done to stop the snoring (dentist can fit a ‘Mandibular Advancement Splint’, upper airway surgery is sometimes an option, and there are a couple of other devices recently on the market…). A sleep study to assess the severity of his sleep apnea would probably be required as some of these devices aren’t really appropriate for different degrees of OSA. Also, how far in the dim dark past did he use a CPAP, and for how long? (The new machines are much quieter and more comfortable to use). Does he still have it in a cupboard? If he starts using it again the pressure will probably need to be readjusted. There has been a huge improvement in the types of masks available in recent years, and if the mask makes him claustrophobic sometimes trying a different style of mask can help. If the claustrophobia persists there are desensitisation techniques that can be tried…
    I can give you more information about all this if you would like it – just let me know… It is important to get it under control as it really is a health risk – as you point out, not least because of your continued sleep deprivation!!!

  4. Cess says:

    PS. People with sleep apnea don’t always feel tired during the day.

  5. Suzy says:

    My ex started snoring every night part way through our marriage. I, too, am a light sleeper. Since he wasn’t willing to find ANY solution other than me wearing earplugs – which I didn’t like the idea of having to use every single night – we never did come to a conclusion. I honestly believe that it contributed to the end of our marriage, not just because I had trouble getting a good night’s sleep, but because it seemed to me like a complete lack of caring on his part, you know?

    Please don’t take that to mean that I think your marriage is going to fall apart, because I really don’t. For one thing, we had other issues going on, and secondly, I think your marriage is stronger than ours ever was. This is only me saying that I really do understand what a big deal it is and I do think that your feelings are valid. πŸ™‚

  6. quirkycharm says:

    Thanks, everybody, for your comments. I definitely think he does have sleep apnea but I can’t make him change his habits for me. If he won’t do it for himself, then he won’t do it for me (and he won’t change his habits that much in the wake of his heart attack either; I have already accepted that my so much loved husband is in my life for a shorter time, rather than a longer.)
    I think we will settle on a compromise: I dig him viciously in the ribs to wake him up and demand that he doesn’t go back to sleep until I already have! Either that or he gets the couch; maybe one of the two will convince him that he needs to get it looked at. My surly morning disposition will probably be encouraging in that direction also πŸ™‚

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