Online shopping used to be a bit of a habit for me. Partly the reason was that I hate shopping in regular stores and having to interact with crowds, or even just people. Shopping online did away with all of that anxiety. Another part of the reason was that it gave me gratification. I loved parcels coming to my doorstep; every single one seemed to say ‘you’ve got a present!’ and it didn’t even seem to matter that the present was given to me, by me. It shored up my pathetic self esteem.
These days I think differently. My worth doesn’t depend on gifts that anybody give me: I know that I am smart enough, clever enough, attractive enough and I value the person I’ve become. I still loathe shopping, though, and if I could do everything online, I surely would.
A legacy of my online shopping days is so many emails sent to me with extra special groupons and coupons and scoopons. I generally manage to resist unless there is an item I was already thinking of purchasing but I do utilise these facilities for seasonal gift shopping. Sometimes I see a particularly weird one and I will read it out to my husband, because it made me laugh and I hope it made him laugh as well.
Therefore, he only has himself to blame for the fact that an anti-snoring device turned up on our doorstep this evening. He SAW this product and told me to get it; he assured me that $20 was a reasonable price for something that might solve the snoring problem. Me, I wasn’t quite so confident.
Turns out that I was right. Said device turned up this evening. It is a watch wired up to a great many batteries. Basically, it is supposed to work out the period of deep sleep that causes snoring and wake the perpetrator up. It does this by a series of increasingly painful electric shocks.
‘What the hell?!’ was my view. We’ve paid for it (even though he never would have suggested it if he knew just how the device worked); let’s get some value out of it.
He read out the instructions (in Taiwanese English) to me and I was in hysterics the whole way through. Even if he only tries it once (and trust me, baby, he IS trying it at least once), the humour value of his reaction is worth every cent.
I know a good wife wouldn’t be quite so gleeful at the prospect of her husband being electric shocked but I am not a good wife. He ordered it, I paid for it; we do not waste things in this household. I am planning on staying awake just to see his reactions.
I think this is the best Tuesday for a long time.