The guy I chatted with yesterday has recommended me for the position. But his is not the final say; it is the owners of the company who will make the decision.
And, yet again, I can have all the right qualifications and experience and still be not a good fit for the company. I won’t know until they tell me and it won’t be for a while because we are talking next year’s tourism season.
In the meantime, I’ve clarified my thoughts on it: I want it badly and I am going to take it, selfishly, if I get offered it. I do feel guilty knowing that my husband will miss me immensely and I feel even more guilty that I would do it anyway. You see, this marriage is so different to my first: I still find it hard to believe that he actually likes having me around and wants to spend time in my company. I have shocking esteem issues, obviously.
(Just that statement makes me realise how fucked up that first marriage was. When your husband seizes every opportunity to get away from you and justifies it constantly, it isn’t a symptom of a healthy relationship. I just don’t think he actually liked me that much and the more he wanted away, the harder I clung. Co-dependence, anybody?)
If I get the job, we will make it work. If our relationship suffers as a result of the job, then we will either rearrange our lifestyle or our attitudes so that our primary unit continues to be the solid, reassuring base it is. We are working from a position of strength here.