I hate fighting about money

And it appears marriage involves fighting about money. Damn good reason to stay single, if you ask me.

I am not an expensive type of woman. I don’t spend a lot of money on my appearance (as anybody who has looked at me knows). I don’t like to shop. I don’t like expensive holidays. I don’t feel the lust to acquire things.

Where I do fail, however, is buying things for those I love. I am pretty generous with gifts. And I am very generous with money if my family need it. And I definitely think we have obligations towards the education and support of our families.

Having been a single mother for a while,  I always put myself last and even as a married mother and wife, I put myself last. My children always came first, then my husband. Nothing has really changed. I feel guilty if I spend money on myself.

I haven’t been working much for a while so the guilt is there in spades now. I need a lot of things for my new job and I just can’t justify the cost. two birthdays coming up next month. My daughter needing tertiary costs. Wayne’s kids, too. He needs some very expensive dental work.

I’m trying to cut down expenses and I don’t see where I can. I asked him to put off the work just for a few weeks and he was reluctant.

I don’t feel I have a leg to stand on as he is bringing in the money and I am not. I really hate having no financial right in dispersement of income because he is currently earning it and I am not.

Mostly marriage is really good and was the right thing for me. But just sometimes it does justify the negative thoughts I had about it: females always come off worse in marriage and it doesn’t advantage them in the way it does men. There is a power differential that can come out, even with the best will in the world, and it is rare that it advantages the woman.

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About quirkycharm

I like to think that I have a certain quirky charm but I am probably being optimistic. Acquired taste, perhaps, which many don't acquire. This is about my fifth blog out there. My hosting companies kept going out of business or my IT exhusband kept hacking into them and I would move again. I don't do twitter, I barely do facebook, I don't try and 'monetize' my blog. I love my husband, my grown children and my job and this particular incarnation of oversharing my life comes at a time when I am the most content that I have ever been. I write always, sporadically during the good stuff and exhaustingly during the bad.
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