My father has been dead for about 18 months now and the reality of a world without him has become the new normal. I think of him often, both sadly and joyfully, but I don’t dwell on it any more. In time, it has settled to become the accepted part of the human life cycle that is inevitable and I can acknowledge my feelings yet not become overwhelmed by them.
Today, though, I got an email from my stepmother. It was nothing important but they had always used a shared email address and the sender would come up as his name because he set it up. I changed it in my list on contacts so that it only reflected her but outgoing from her end always shows it as him.
I’ve had this before and it was no big deal but today it hit me harder than a ton of bricks. I forgot, I honestly forgot that he was dead and my mind registered for a second, “Oh, a random email from Dad, how nice. I wonder what he has to say today?”, before it flipped back to reality and I just lost it.