I’d just come back from an exhausting eight days (got back from one trip and then went straight out for another three days, with no warning until I turned up the night before). The first day of the new trip had me running a fever and how I got through it, I don’t know.
Then got back to the yard, saw the Ops Manager as I was doing the usual job of unloading everything and struggling with tiredness and lack of height and strength (BTW, I’ve evolved in the unloading process from bursting into tears to kicking, swearing and throwing things, which is, I suppose, progress of a sort, although rather harder on the company items I am flinging around in a fury). She didn’t mention at all any changes and the next day I went in to clarify what time I was meant to be going out on the walking tour I had been looking forward to for weeks, only to find my name had been taken off the board.
The thing is, I have very little that I actively look forward to out here and I am very lonely. The job is exhausting (it has the reputation of being the hardest in Australia) but it challenges me and I seem to respond to that, which is why I do it. But I do like my little bits of enjoyment here and there and I was really upset that this one had been taken away from me. I can understand the necessities of change but I couldn’t get my head around not being told. When the Ops Manager was offhand about it, I said I would take some time to think about my future with the company and I drove off.
But only around the block a couple of times before coming back in and telling her that I was done.
There were text messages from lots of people at the yard (they love me) begging me to reconsider and also one from the company owner. I didn’t look at any of them as I planned my escape route home to Perth but I dropped my uniform back that afternoon and the Ops Manager dragged me off for a one to one talk.
The end result was that I sort of unquit, when she apologised and offered roster changes and more money. It wasn’t a histrionic flounce fit, designed to get better conditions. I meant it and I was very polite about it, simply expressing disappointment about the lack of respect measured out to me as a professional guide, inherent in certain management decisions, and about not keeping me informed; I told them that it made me think the company and I were not a good fit and it would be better for all concerned if we terminated our professional relationship. Obviously, what I said (or the way I said it) made an impact.
I was looking forward to going home but they have promised me a few days off in August so I can hang out until then, I hope. I would really like to finish out the season, both for my own self-respect and to get a good reference. A nice bonus would be to see how fit I get by then; it feels good to work my body this hard.
Just finished cleaning my room. I like to go out on tour all freshfaced and glowing (I tell the paxs it is the nicest I will look/smell/be for the next 3-5 days and I am totally honest) and I like to have a clean room to come back to. I always put some peppermint oil in the water so that the room smells amazing but, really, it is to try and detract the carnivorous mice. Once you’ve been bitten on your nose, in your sleep, you never really trust rodents again.
I am supposed to be going to a fancy cocktail function tonight with my roomies and I just realised I’ve got nothing to wear so I nipped to the opshop and I now have a slinky gold lace dress; I am not sure that I remember how to dress up as a girl!