I go away for work, for a week tomorrow. In my current state of mind, there is no way I am prepared for it. I jsut can’t concentrate on things and I drift aimlessly around, stopping only to do some cleaning. For some reason, random cleaning exactly suits my mood and while I could wish that it was less random and more day to day stuff, which isn’t getting done, there is a certain satisfaction in knowing that all fan blades in my house are clean.
This distraction also manifests itself as a dislike for clutter. I’ve never really been fond of it but I married a semi-hoarder and I seem to have adjusted to his level, rather than he to mine and I am aware of it and sometimes think wistfully back to ten years ago when everything I owned could fit into one suitcase. So I do like it when the basic stark minimism inclination occasionally rears its head again.
Unfortuantely, my distracted brain isn’t up to the task of sorting and rationalising and instead I just throw things out indiscriminately, in the full knowledge that this is not a good idea.
All the half finished hair products in the shower? Gone. I had to buy brand new this morning.
All the unmatching tupperware lids and containers? Gone. Also the matched ones. I want that space clear, dammit!
Food in the refridgerator? Chickens are having a field day. So far today they’ve been given two litres of home made apple juice, a big bowl of apple puree, marmalade, stale cheese, milk and bread. Admittedly, they still present the attitude of ‘wtf? this isn’t what I wanted to eat. it’s not good enough.’ but they are kind of arseholes like that, anyway.
So you get the idea. Careless irresponsibiity seems to be my default state right now and I am hoping fervently that this is just a temporary thing, caused by the situation and not the start of a manic episode. Because we all know where manic highs lead to – ebay shopping addictions and thigh high red stripper boots. Not a place I’d care to revisit.