I still feel dreadful

My stomach hurts so much. I have spent most of the last week prone, eating apple puree as a food that hurts less than the rest. I have a colonoscopy lined up at the end of August to see what is what but currently it looks like another autoimmune disease, given my history and the fact that these things often occur together.

In the meantime, I am back to work on Monday and I’m hoping that being incredibly busy will distract me from how I’m feeling. Of course, I am fervently hoping it will get better because if it gets worse there is pretty much no way I can access any timely treatment: this tour (which I am picking up half way through) goes all the way across the top of isolated Australia.

For somebody who feels so dreadful, I have scheduled a lot of socialization around food this weekend. Dinner out with my stepmother tonight and my brother and his wife are coming up for a little visit this afternoon. She gets stir crazy cooped up with him and constantly having to redirect him, due to his impulsive behavior.We are going to take a walk in the National Park, although I’m not sure how far we’ll get. Walking is hard for him and I just want to curl up in a corner and whimper so our respective spouses will have to encourage and cajole.

I made a huge afternoon tea for afterwards – lemon cake and pumpkin pie and three different types of sandwiches, none of which I will eat. But my brother does like eating and it occurred to me that food is love. I cook for him because it’s about all I can do for him. I hope, afterwards, I can look back on the time we’ve had this year and enjoy the memories. I am trying to be mindful of the time we share and I try to make it count.

 

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