It’s not just preemptive grief, though. My arm hurts.
Two days before the tour ended we were camped in Kalgoorlie, in an adverse weather report zone (aka everything will blow the fuck down and be waterlogged to boot and that water will turn to ice in the morning).
I’d opened up a bin locker to extract the cooler for our evening drinks. A huge microburst of storm slammed down on it, breaking the gas powered support struts. I saw it happen out of the corner of my eye and must have instinctively thrust my arm up. The edge of the door just caught one of my passengers across her lower lip.
I was so worried about her and rushed around getting icepacks and gel and examining her nose to see if it was broken. The adrenaline surge thing is real: I had no pain, although I knew Id been hit hard on the arm.
She turned out to be fine but my arm started to hurt and continued to do so. I found that my fingers wouldnt work properly. I knew that it was most probably just bruising but I was required to drive that day, given that my coworker had to go to the dentist. So I didn’t seek medical aid, given that thete would nothing they could do anyway except painkillers that I couldnt take, due to the whole driving whilst impared thing.
I had a massive row with my coworker about it. Worse thing is that he and another male passenger literally cornered me in the bus, demanding I seek medical attention and throwing the words ‘workers comp’ around liberally. Those words can ruin a career.
I was so angry that two men were trying to tell me what to do, that they were (subconsciously or not) using their bodies to intimidate me. I tried to walk away because it was very unprofessional to even be discussing these things with a passenger present but my coworker stood on the bus steps and wouldnt let me out.
I somehow clung on to the knowledge that I shouldn’t kick that passenger hard in the balls but I was a whisker’s breath away from pushing my coworker backward out of the bus. Thete was a red mist in front of my eyes. I felt so threatened with the two of them there and so angry that they thought that sort of behaviour was ok.
Turns out the arm bone was pretty dense (good with taking my calcium) and didn’t fracture although it was that close to it). Bone pain is rather awful and I need to sling it and take a lot of painkillers for a few days. So lucky it didn’t break.
(and because I left it hanging there, things were resolved. He apologised and was really upset that his behaviour came across as threatening. I was actually going to quit because I need to feel that we have a partnership and I can’t trust somebody who doesn’t have my back but people can change and he was sincere so I’ll see how it goes)