But I couldn’t finish it. I was so upset.
My husband was out, my cancer support group only work business hours and I desperately needed to talk to somebody or just have somebody listen. In the end, I called lifeline.
I explained to the fellow on the other side of the phone the exact circumstances an made sure he understood I wasn’t reaching out to prevent suicide. He was ok with just listening and I think I made his evening.
I told him that it was so unfair that my brother, probably the best man I’ve ever known, is reduced to a remnant of what he was. Then I added that I could think of several men who I would prefer to die from a malignant brain tumour instead and that most of them were my daughters’ boyfriends. Then I added that my girls made better choices these days.
There was a sort of stunned pause on the other end of the line and then he started to laugh. Which made me laugh and we did that hysterical back and forth laughing tag team thing where you are triggered simply because the other person is laughing. It made me feel so much better so I said thank you and goodbye.