Doing the things I hate

With my brother being incapacitated, I have had to take on the role of trustee for fund allocation from my father’s estate. In the here and now, that means handling a lot of finance. I have always hated accounting and figures and now I have to do it.


I have spent innumerable hours over the last ten days trying to get a grip on what I need to know, without incurring unnecessary expense through asking professionals. The estate isn’t worth that much but it is fairly complicated and there are a lot of issues with volatile/paranoid family members. I’ve got a huge folder of documents dealing with the estate and I’ve been reading a lot and trying to absorb.


But it is so hard. My brother has made notes on things; he has included copies of letters; he’s transparently showing it all out there so that the family can see he is doing the right thing. And none of us have ever needed that proof: if he said/did certain things, then we knew he was supremely fair and we agreed with whatever he actioned.


I can’t ever be as good as he was and I feel like I am stumbling my way through it all. Every effort is severely undermined by seeing my brother’s notes and annotations, in his own hand. Everything I read reinforces how clever, how compassionate, how supportive he was.


And I compare all the time, from that reality (only 7 months ago) to now and I am dissolved in fresh grief every time I turn a page.


About quirkycharm

I like to think that I have a certain quirky charm but I am probably being optimistic. Acquired taste, perhaps, which many don't acquire. This is about my fifth blog out there. My hosting companies kept going out of business or my IT exhusband kept hacking into them and I would move again. I don't do twitter, I barely do facebook, I don't try and 'monetize' my blog. I love my husband, my grown children and my job and this particular incarnation of oversharing my life comes at a time when I am the most content that I have ever been. I write always, sporadically during the good stuff and exhaustingly during the bad.
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