I’m tired and sore

I’ve just come off a three day fast for a colonoscopy (all good) and I feel really run down. All my veins ache and I’ve got bruises all over my arms, hands and feet; a legacy of the veins they tried, and failed, to get a drip started in. I’ve got difficult veins and when I’m dehydrated, they are nearly impossible to get a line into. They took about eight or nine attempts and all of us in the theatre were relieved when they eventually got one. At one stage I had four people slapping various appendages to try and make something stand out.


Then they gave me the twilight sedation and I was out. I don’t remember anything of the procedure but I figure that I must have been fairly awake at one point because afterwards they made me stay a lot longer than anybody else on the grounds that I’d had a huge amount of medication to keep me asleep. I wonder if I was chatty? I bet I was.

I slept all the rest of the day away and then the night but I had such weird dreams. This morning I went grocery shopping for the tour that leaves on Saturday: I bought $800 worth of food and I still haven’t finished. Vegies and bread tomorrow. At the end of that, my poor sore arm ached like a fiend. The doctor told me that it would be sore for a while so I am sometimes still slinging it and am back on the heavy duty meds, at least until Saturday.


Tonight is my nephew’s 18th birthday and the theme is Mexican festive so I’ve bought some red type accessories. I will try and have a good time. I hope we all do.


My husband has finished his present: $180 welded into a piece of pipe, with an accompanying hacksaw. Sort of like a hellish piñata. Just to be fair, he tried sawing through the pipe with a hacksaw and reported back it took him half an hour. I am fairly sure it will amuse everybody except the birthday boy!



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I forgot to say

My nephew is 18 on Thursday. For his two year older brother’s 18th, I made a candle (nicely floral scented and pink bow accessorized), with $180 worth of two dollar coins inside. He then had to wait for the candle to burn down; not impressed.


For my younger nephew, I  thought that putting $5 notes in separate helium balloons would be good but my husband took it one step furthet. He proposed getting 90 two dollar coins and welding them into a metal pipe.


So that’s what we’re doing. His birthday present will be metal pipe, complete with hacksaw.

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Birthday present from my husband

Yes, it’s a bidet. Or, more accurately, a bidet conversion kit.


This wasn’t a surprise gift: I’d asked for it, having wanted one for years ever since seeing them in Europe.

Very indulgent I know but this does all sorts of fancy things. I once saw the airport toilets in Hokkaido and they had all of the features mine has but with additional music and deodorizing options!


It also has a heated toilet seat, a feature I am currently appreciating the hell out of given that it is really cold here right now and that I am preparing for a colonoscopy.


You know what’s really sad about this gift? It’s that I  can’t share it with my brother. After he came back from Japan this last Christmas he raved about the toilets there and I  told him of the conversion kits and that I was asking for one for my birthday.  We decided I would get mine first and he would then choose his, based on the features he liked.


Well, that’s never going to happen. I don’t know if he’d even understand if I told him about it. He certainly couldn’t manage to operate it. It comes with a user manual that I am going to laminate and leave next to it for visitors.


Did I  say that I bought a laminating machine? Well, I did and I am running around happpily laminating everything portable. Useful for work stuff but really I just wanted one.


A laminating machine  and a bidet; not to everybody’s taste as birthday gifts but they make this girl happy.

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I started to write about yesterday

But I couldn’t finish it. I was so upset.

My husband was out, my cancer support group only work business hours and I desperately needed to talk to somebody or just have somebody listen. In the end, I called lifeline.

I explained to the fellow on the other side of the phone the exact circumstances an made sure he understood I wasn’t reaching out to prevent suicide. He was ok with just listening and I think I made his evening.

I told him that it was so unfair that my brother, probably the best man I’ve ever known, is reduced to a remnant of what he was. Then I added that I could think of several men who I would prefer to die from a malignant brain tumour instead and that most of them were my daughters’ boyfriends. Then I added that my girls made better choices these days.


There was a sort of stunned pause on the other end of the line and then he started to laugh. Which made me laugh and we did that hysterical back and forth laughing tag team thing where you are triggered simply because the other person is laughing. It made me feel so much better so I said thank you and goodbye.

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Can’t sleep

It’s not just preemptive grief, though. My arm hurts.

Two days before the tour ended we were camped in Kalgoorlie, in an adverse weather report zone (aka everything will blow the fuck down and be waterlogged to boot and that water will turn to ice in the morning).

I’d opened up a bin locker to extract the cooler for our evening drinks. A huge microburst of storm slammed down on it, breaking the gas powered support struts. I saw it happen out of the corner of my eye and must have instinctively thrust my arm up. The edge of the door just caught one of my passengers across her lower lip.

I was so worried about her and rushed around getting icepacks and gel and examining her nose to see if it was broken.  The adrenaline surge thing is real: I had no pain,  although I knew Id been hit hard on the arm.

She turned out to be fine but my arm started to hurt and continued to do so. I found that my fingers wouldnt work properly. I knew that it was most probably just bruising but I was required to drive that day, given that my coworker had to go to the dentist. So I didn’t seek medical aid, given that thete would nothing they could do anyway except painkillers that I couldnt take, due to the whole driving whilst impared thing.

I had a massive row with my coworker about it. Worse thing is that he and another male passenger literally cornered me in the bus, demanding  I seek medical attention and throwing the words ‘workers comp’ around liberally. Those words can ruin a career.

I was so angry that two men were trying to tell me what to do, that they were  (subconsciously or not) using their bodies to intimidate me. I tried to walk away because it was very unprofessional to even be discussing these things with a passenger present but my coworker stood on the bus steps and wouldnt let me out.

I somehow clung on to the knowledge that I shouldn’t kick that passenger hard in the balls but I was a whisker’s breath away from pushing my coworker backward out of the bus. Thete was a red mist in front of my eyes. I felt so threatened with the two of them there and so angry that they thought that sort of behaviour was ok.

Turns out the arm bone was pretty dense (good with taking my calcium) and didn’t fracture although it was that close to it). Bone pain is rather awful and I need to sling it and take a lot of painkillers for a few days. So lucky it didn’t  break.

(and because I left it hanging there, things were resolved. He apologised and was really upset that his behaviour came across as threatening. I was actually going to quit because I need to feel that we have a partnership and I can’t trust somebody who doesn’t have my back but people can change and he was sincere so I’ll see how it goes)





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